In order to be licensed by the Artistic Practice Licensing Authoritiy you must agree to:
- At least occassionally produce works of art *.
- Study learned treatises on 'real artists', their qualities, achievements, practices and heroic struggles, for the purpose of understanding how hopelessly short of their standards you fall.
- Constantly question, to yourself and others, whether you and your work are good enough to ever be a proper artist.
- Mutter under your breath at least daily that someone will expose you soon.
- Cultivate brow-furrowing, chin-rubbing and other anxious mannerisms appropriate for artistic practice.
*Under exceptional circumstances the authority may accept 'talking about producing it a lot' or 'going to start it next week' as substitutes for this condition.
But hey, we don't want to let you down, so here you have a blank certificate. Find a crafty way to copy this section of the page, print it and then write your name on the blank line. You're an artist after all, creativity comes natural to you.
Artistic Practice Licensing Authority
"Because artists need to be certified"
This is to Certify that
having satisfied the most stringent requirements laid down by this authority is therefore a real, genuine, proper and licenced Artist.
Sir Henry Furt (Chair)
Please keep this certificate in a safe place. Nobody else will ever ask to see it but you may feel better if you behave as if it is important.